February 2005 Archives
- Plastic cup with a half inch of water
- Pringles Can - Sweet Mesquite BBQ Flavor
- Torengos Can - Splash of Salsa Flavor
- 5 inch rusted iron star, not communist based
- Bottled water container from a bumpy airline flight
- Candy canes, 4 colored, 6 standard
- Plastic cup labeled "DON'T TOUCH, NO TOQUES, NE PIPKAJ, NE DIRAJ, THIS IS A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT." with mixture of Cherry Coke, Water, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, Arby's Horsey Sauce, and bread crumbs (sealed closed with clear packing tape, and straw hole packed with the bandage from my arm when I gave blood a few months ago).
- Cinnamon Gum under desk on right side from last peon who sat here.
- Change more than 50% of the diapers
- Watch Bed of Roses
- Act like I cared about what happened on Oprah today
- Make dinner AND do the dishes… again
- Be home alone with our hungry baby, without my earplugs
- Act like the guy on Channel 2 News is anything but an idiot
- Watch Steel Magnolias
- Take turns breastfeeding the baby
- Care about politics
- Let the fathead who visits his 50 year old girlfriend downstairs park in my parking spot again
- Vacuum
- Buy another set of placemats that we won't use unless my in-laws visit
- Watch Sewing with Nancy
- Sit through another pathetic hour of comments about pork fat and BAM
- Not get upset when the toilet gets flushed while I'm in the shower
- Stop pushing the snooze button
- Buy the local sad excuse for Mexican food
- Work overtime
- Continue to work for my boss
- Cubicle Yoga
- Read a memo about TPS reports
- Eat off of the bathroom floor
- Listen to my co-worker who thinks he hung the moon
- Stop giving my I'm-bored-out-of-my-mind look
- Take down my Homestar Runner and Incredibles figurines
- My job
- Act like I care
- Get suckered into a conversation about politics
- Stop updating my resume daily
- Act my age
- Show up earlier than I do
- Update my calendar for others to see
- Eat the cafeteria food
- Take out my headphones so I can actually hear you
- Convince myself that my boss isn't full of it
Originally titled: Words that Tell me that my Staff Meeting has gotten to the point of a Bunch of People Acting Like they know what they're Talking About
- Strategy
- Taxonomy
- Template
- Portal
- Methodology
- Curriculum
- Progress
- Compliance
- Develop
- Server
- Module
- Objective
- Sales
- Define
- Plan
- Initiative
- Metrics
- Blueprint
- Philosophy
- Framework
- Agreement
- Analyze
- Progress
- Got sick
- Acted like I didn't hear the request
- Feigned death
- Hypothesized that the diaper would clean itself
- Complained
- Spilled water on myself and claimed that I had wet myself too
- Left to "run an errand"
- Talked like George W
- Stopped, dropped, and rolled
- Nothing
- Wet myself
- Got in the shower
- Rolled over and acted like I was asleep
- Answered my cell phone, which wasn't ringing
- Fell to the floor and acted like I hurt myself
- Started talking gibberish and making obscene hand gestures
- Changed the subject
- Pointed out how other babies don't get their diapers changed as frequently, so why should we shelter her from the realities of the world
- Shook my money maker
- The Places You have Come to Private Press
- You've Come a Long Time
- Barely Before Legal
- And Justice For 7 First Dates
- Sergeant Pepper's Revolver
- Ultimate Seventies Day's Nights
- Son by Four
- The Ego Has Fat People
- Afterglow for Americana
- Artifact for the People
- Baptism for Sale
- The Ultimate Ex-Skank
- Ben Folds Laundry
- Better Living Through Secrets
- Steady Mary
- Buena Vista Social Fairytale
- Good News for People Who Like Gravity
- Buenos Mystery Tour
- Closer Collective Come
- The Girl in the Other Gorge
- Daft Dave Matthews
- Donde Estan Los Hard Candy
- In the Pursuit of Ignition
- Drowning en el Bar
- Everybody Needs el Bar 2
- Everyday en el Bar 3
- Return to the Floor
- How does your Franz Ferdinand
- Ixnay on the Jerry Seinfeld
- Left of the Naked
- Let it Be on Two Legs
- New Favorite Naked Baby Photos
- Just Push Me
- Red Letter Chief
- Maladroit
- The Miseducation of Love
- Swiss Army Score
- 5 Boroughs Under the Table
- Prolonging the Pies
- Flutterby
- Boxcar in Paris
- Take off your Pants and Jacket
- It was actually very nice, considering it was my first time.
- I prefer it when done with peanut butter.
- Despite our previous conjectures that the adjustment might make little difference, I see a very large improvement with even such a small enhancement.
- When the third person comes, it will be much more productive.
- No, I'm fixed.
- Have you tried that with somebody else?
- Try taking off the protection.
- More RAM would be nice.
- You're fired.
- Geriatric Happiness…