The Spiral Stairs

Before I continue, I'll make it known (as if most of you didn't know already) that I'm not the slenderest model in the catalog. Keeping in mind that the following comes from somebody who generally fits in with his overweight co-workers, I continue.

There really are two main reasons for discussing this topic:

• Taking the elevator up/down one floor
• Using the spiral staircase during functions

Taking the Elevator Up/Down One Floor

How lazy must a person be to take the elevator up 1 floor? The stairs are staring at you when you walk in the building. Granted, those stairs go up only to the second floor, but they're right there. How much of a challenge is it to continue almost in a straight line to arrive at the bottom of the stairs?

If I personally am just going up/down one floor, it's all of 25 steps or so. Some people are just lazy. It would explain why the majority of workers at my company are overweight. The people that don't take the stairs seem to be the ones that need to take them the most.

Okay, so the stairs aren't possible for everybody. Some people have bad ankles, or their knees have gone to pot. I heard somebody say that they're afraid of heights and the spiral stairs scare them silly (I don't understand that phobia, but oh well). You've got a cart that you're pushing? You're so lazy that the laptop you lug around is in a bag with wheels and you can't stand to carry it up one whole floor? Whatever.

The reason I bring this up is that being a person who uses the elevator to go up MORE than one floor, the fact that the elevator has to stop on the way up… that's just dumb. Get off your lazy hocks and walk up the stairs for that whole floor.

Using the Spiral Staircase During Functions

Every month there is a large meeting of people in the atrium (where the spiral stairs are located). This meeting designed to draw attention to people who have done a particularly good job during the past month. There are on average some… 100 people at this gathering.

For some wacky reason, people who having nothing to do with this meeting feel obligated to walk down the spiral staircase (which is essentially in the middle of this meeting area) while this meeting is going on. Are people so socially clueless that they don't realize that they're walking through a meeting? Are they so attention deprived that they want all those people to look over at them and wonder why they're walking down those stairs?

I don't object to them using stairs, don't get me wrong. I object to them NOT using the two other sets of stairs that are within 30 feet of the spiral stairs.

Possible songs that could be played while people walk down the spiral stairs during the monthly meeting:

• Miss America Theme
• Right Said Fred - I'm too Sexy
• Nobody Likes Me Everybody Hates Me, Guess I'll go Eat Worms