May 2005 Archives

This word is as simple as they come. I don't know how many times a day each of us say "okay" but I would wager to say that it fairly common. It's not like we say it in every sentence, nor every conversation. We say it when it works. You all know when it works because you already use it. So if those simple sounds like "okay" work so well to show approval, then why not have a simple sound to show a lack of approval?

Some people are total klutzes. I can descend stairs without a problem. I can take the stairs two at a time if I choose. I can take them one a time fairly quickly without a problem. But some people just can't do that. Let me introduce something to you with which you might not be familiar. It's called a handrail.

We're breeding low IQ's. Let's be honest about this one. If one of the major brands with which children interact can't even spell something correctly, we might have problems. Don't you see that as a little flawed? Most of us have seen the picture of the street painters who spell School like Shcool (You haven't? Click here). I think I'd agree with Playskool a bit more than Playshcool. The latter might be the Yiddish pronunciation.

Both "jamboree" and "camporee" are in my handy copy of Webster's. One of them is a national gathering of scouts, and the other is a regional gathering. They're both lame words.

A freeway generally has at least 3 lanes. I've seen some that are up to 6 lanes. Here in the US, the right-most lanes are for slower traffic, and the left are for the faster-moving vehicles. In Utah (though I'm sure it happens elsewhere, it's just that I've observed it the most here), there are some people who get on the freeway, and aim directly for the fast lane.

They're squeaky at times. They consume most things that surround them. They're generally a certain size. Despite some people's sincerest desires, they do serve a purpose in this world. If they get dirty, they don't work as well. Some people will complain about them, but the honest truth is that they just need to clean their computer mouse.

Why do some weathermen/meteorologists feel obligated to do their hair the way they do? They usually do it the exact same way every single day - which is generally in that stiff-as-a-rock-because-I-use-a-whole-bottle-of-hairspray-to-make-it-look-this-"wonderful" mode. I've got some ideas for them on how they could improve things.

I walked by an auto shop the other day. It was a normal looking place. The same magazines were on the table, the same uncomfortable chairs. The TV was probably tuned to some lame talk show, or something like that. They might have had a coffee pot out. The place had that slight tinge of grease. They had some posters on the wall of products or services that they offered. There might have been a pamphlet holder or two. It looked like most of your normal auto shops. What drew my attention was the painting of the mountains on the wall.

Certain music is generally accompanied by certain vocabulary. It wouldn't be uncommon to find some expletives in rap, or rock. Country songs are generally accompanied by similar country-like vocabulary. The content of the songs would probably fall into the same general category. A rap song is less likely to talk about fishing than a country song would.

More things should unionize. I frequently hear about the unions of flight attendents, plumbers, pilots, carpenters, and other stuff. Let's talk about some of the additional areas that could benefit from being unionized.

If I'm going to talk to you, it would be understood that my words are aimed your general direction (whether over the phone or in person, it doesn't matter). If I'm going to drive to the store, then it would be understood that I am going to maneuver my car in the direction of a business which sells items. Knowing that whenever anybody (fill in a verb here) TO something, they are doing something physically involving something else.

It's not that I enjoy seeing everybody in a bathing suit. In fact, some people should never wear a bathing suit in public. I see it as convenience and entertainment.

The Tour de Fast Food is for those of us who can't really decide what we want for dinner, yet we know we want to eat out. As of this writing, our daughter functions perfectly in a car. In other words, she falls asleep. In order to avoid crying and fussing while sitting somewhere, we have restricted our food service consumption to that of the fast persuasion (so we don't have to take her out of the car and wake her up).

The continuous pocket change theory, or practice is very quite simple. I never want to have more than 99¢ of change in my pocket. Because of that, I choose to recycle my change. Any time that I'm asked to pay an amount in cash, I try to utilize any/all of my coins to make the purchase possible.

Walk on the right side. It's just that simple. Everybody else seems capable of figuring that out, just not you. There are some idiots who continue to walk down the left side, figuring that everybody else is doing it wrong. Ever noticed that we drive on the right side of the road?

At the building where I work there is a revolving door. It's flanked by two normal push doors. Those doors do not have handles on the outside. If you want to enter one of the side doors, the security guard on the inside has to push a little button to open the door. A little known feature is that there is also a button on the outside that can open one of those doors. This button works only during business hours.

The directions are right there on the bag. It tells you what to do. They're very clear and obvious, since they've probably gotten thousands of calls in the attempts to clarify and improve them. It tells you EXACTLY what to do. So why on earth do people still burn popcorn?

My windshield wipers worked perfectly fine. They had a good clean sweep, not leaving behind any of those little water trails. I bet I could have had a whole truck-load of water poured on there at any given moment and those wipers would have taken care of it right away. They were truly wonderful wipers.

The meetings are held every second tuesday of the month at 7 PM. They meet in City Hall, down the first hall on the left. You'll find them all together in the third room on the right. They stand and tell their names. The others greet that person by their name. They then say that they're an addict, and have been for a given amount of time. Welcome to your local meeting of PBAA - Progress Bar Addicts Anonymous.

They act like it's an alien. The look in their face is that of pure terror. They've got a look in their eyes like, "I'm only going to do this because lots of people are watching me." They always go straight for the head, and stay there. They move their hand in really awkward movements.

The clip of the dancing trombone player, babies spitting up, the fruitcake lady, foreign commercials, sports bloopers, every joke imaginable, how hell is exothermic, whatever. One "friend" sent you all of those emails. You've seen each of those emails and you know they're coming again, because this one friend is a total retard when it comes to email.

I'm salaried. It sucks, since I can't get any overtime. I supposedly get paid more than I would if I weren't salaried. A good number of my coworkers are salaried as well. I don't mind if people choose to work over 40 hours. That's no big deal. I don't mind that some choose to work excessively.

Whoever it is, I'd like to talk to them. I promise not to hurt them, I just want to talk to them so that I can give them a bit of education. There is some idiot out there who feels obligated to change the settings on the three-hole punch.

They're all over the place. They're globes, footballs, obscure-looking dolls, pickles, space shuttles, and a whole variety of other things. They're those little stress-relievers that we've got all over our desks. They're multiplying and replenishing each one of our desks at work. They probably outnumber us three or four to one.

The Drive-Through at fast food "restaurants" has always been interesting to me. We're going to examine some of the finer points and see just how whacked the whole setup is. You, no doubt, have noticed some of these same things, but maybe you've been too afraid to bring them up, fearing that it's all just another way of the man trying to put you down.

If I mess up something on which I am semi-focused, I have a tendency to chastise myself there on the spot with something like "Oh…. come on man…" or "you can do better than that." During sports if I miss a shot, or make some error, I'll just say a little quick thing to myself. Maybe while watching TV and I've got some comment for what I just saw/heard, then I might say something, not caring if there is anybody else with me or not. I don't see it as any big deal. I don't respond, nor do I usually carry it beyond a sentence.

The other day I ordered 7500 white address labels. I needed them for a project, so I ordered them. They showed up, I used a good chunk of them, and I'll put them in with the rest of the supplies when I feel like it. We don't really ever have a problem if we want to order more office supplies. I'm sure we have a budget for that sort of thing, but it's never mentioned, brought up, or talked about. If you need it, feel free to order it.

On Cinco de Mayo I sat at a table at work where we had a Cinco de Mayo Trivia form. People put their completed forms, with their name and extension, into a drawing for $25. The answers were right in front of them, and if not, I'd tell them the answers. One of the questions on the form was "Where did The Battle of Puebla take place?" There are some really stupid people out there.

I'm going to be talking about the toilet, and possibly the potential contents of that device. If you're less than interested in reading about this, so be it, feel free to leave now. But don't get half-way through this thing and then start blaming me that I didn't warn you. I mean, you had to know that it was coming, since how many other things have to do with Flushing?

I carry a wallet, set of keys, cell phone, and usually a thing of Chap Stick®. If I'm at work I carry my PDA with me. If I'm going to a meeting at work where I have to act like I'm taking notes about a work-related topic, then I take a notebook thing and pen too. I think that it's fair to say that I carry a normal amount of stuff. I rarely feel the need to have more with me than I do. Every now and then I wish I had something, but I don't see anything in my life that would merit a permanent position with me like the previously mentioned items.

Let me be pacific. I'm going to get out a grass skirt, coconut top, and let me ge lei-ed. Every time somebody says "pacific" when they most likely intend to say "specific" I automatically visualize that person in that attire. They're sitting back, sipping drinks, watching the ocean, and getting ready for the luau in the evening.

Let's clarify something that too many people just don't seem to understand.

In general, if you care about something (whether you choose to say it or not), it has a place of importance with you. If it was demoted in some fashion, then you might care less about it. If it was promoted, you might care more about it. Following this thinking, there is a scale of care on which something might be measured, and a certain amount of care that might be allocated to anything.

All things should be done in moderation. It's okay to have a piece of chocolate, but you probably don't want to fire down a whole box or else you'll feel a little sick. If you'd like a drink, go for it, but don't go overboard, otherwise you could end up in the hospital. You get the point.