Email Retards

The clip of the dancing trombone player, babies spitting up, the fruitcake lady, foreign commercials, sports bloopers, every joke imaginable, how hell is exothermic, whatever. One "friend" sent you all of those emails. You've seen each of those emails and you know they're coming again, because this one friend is a total retard when it comes to email.

Driving requires a license. CPR requires certification (though nobody is going to stop you from trying if you're the only one around with a clue and you don' t happen to be certified). Drinking alcoholic beverages requires somebody to be of age. Emailing jokes to everybody you know multiple times requires an IQ of about 4 (okay, probably in the area of 80 or 90, but let's not be technical).

Since each of us have some friend who feels obligated to send us the email about Bill Gates giving you money if you forward the email to everybody you know, let's take some action on this. This person is obviously oblivious (whoa, say that 10 times fast) to the rest of us and the number of emails that we've gotten throughout our online experience.

What I'm proposing is not a license to email. James Bond would have his way with that sort of dictatorship (phallus, potato, sailing vessel). What I'm suggesting is an email mentorship. The last thing we really want is to get all of those emails yet again. If we liked them the first time, we probably saved them.

If you're new to the email system, ask an old timer (by phone or in person) if they have received the email in question previously. Repeat this process for at least 2 other people (three total). If any of those people respond in the affirmative, you aren't allowed to send that email.

Email retards don't get to use a special shorter computer, they don't get people to wait on them in the ratio of 3:1. They might have people despise them in the ratio of 20:1 if they send out these emails. Do us all a favor, and ask a buddy before sending that email.

3 Comments

Good call. E-mail retards are retarded.

An insightful comment.

Okay, here's a new slant on e-mail retardation.

Every hour, a new employee comes over to your cubicle and says, "Hey, man, did you see that?" (referring to an e-mail everyone got)

Uh... some of us check our e-mail more often than once a day, boss.

Granted, I'm guilty of doing this with people even zippier than I at checking e-mail, but having to force a reaction and listen to commentary 12 times during a single day on an issue that was so this morning is kind of lame.

Recent Entries

  • Yellowstone 2008

    Our little family had the pleasure of visiting our nation's best national park almost two months ago. My wonderful aunt and uncle were kind enough...

  • Just a little Spooked

    This evening after dinner, I was legitimately thrown off guard by Cecilia… when she read to me. I said to myself, “Self, she's three. She...

  • Halloween 2008

    Despite the rain this evening, the two of them brought in somewhere between eight and nine pounds of candy, almost certainly because of their costumes:Props...

  • Beautiful Fall Colors

    We went and took pictures of the girls today for our Christmas card (Maria is very much on the ball this year). I just wanted...

  • I Hope You're Sitting Down

    I hope you're seated – chances are you are already. It might be best if it were a chair that could recline a bit, and...

Close