PBAA

The meetings are held every second tuesday of the month at 7 PM. They meet in City Hall, down the first hall on the left. You'll find them all together in the third room on the right. They stand and tell their names. The others greet that person by their name. They then say that they're an addict, and have been for a given amount of time. Welcome to your local meeting of PBAA - Progress Bar Addicts Anonymous.

It's really a simple addiction, and we've all tasted it to some extent. You're downloading something or other off of the internet, and you see that little progress bar. You keep track of the speed that it's going. Who really cares if you understand what 5k/sec means? The important thing is that the bar is growing.

They go faster at times. The time left gets smaller, the speed might go up or down. The little bar grows. You see it, and you tell yourself, "Oh, it'll be over soon, so I'll just wait for it, so I can check out this file." But one file is never enough. You click on something else, just to see the little bar grow again. It's soothing to see that you're making progress at least in one area of your life.

You notice that your computer is soon filled with pointless files that you downloaded, just so you could see the little bar. Your friends have long since noticed this problem you have. They try to set up an intervention to confront you about your problem. They're concerned about you, they love you. They're afraid that you're going to spend the rest of your days watching the little bar grow and grow.

Progress bar addiction, though simple, is serious. It should not be taken lightly. If you, or anyone you know, spends too much time staring at the little progress bar, please call the following number: 1-800-HOOKED1.

don't really, it's not really a number for the PBAA (I don't know what it's for, when I called it the voice told me it wasn't available from my calling area)

If you think watching the progress bar is fun, try watching some of the following:

• Paint Dry
• Water Boil
• Plants Grow
• Plastic Biodegrade
• Dust Settle
• Glacier Movements

I can understand that you might be excited when a progress bar moves and gets close to the end, but seriously… walk away from the computer and do something else. It can only be so cool for so long before you get bored out of your mind.