June 2005 Archives

Follow me on this one… if olive oil is made from squeezing olives, and grapeseed oil is made in the same fashion (along with many other oils)… what sick person EVER thought of making baby oil? That aside, why does it always have to smell the same? Is there some sort of rule on what baby oil has to smell like? Maybe it's just that I keep smelling the same brand, but something's gotta change. But if the scent DID change, I can already see the scantily-clad baby fashion show that they would have, with little ones strutting their stuff (either crawling, or stumble-walking) down the catwalk. You'd have the designer sitting on the side of the show, with all of his hired "love me please" people, as he talks about the genius it took to come up with this new scent. Whatever. I'm fine with the scent, but let's work on the name, and not think of little ones getting the same thing done to them as olives to get oil.

Let me start this on the proper note: 'ding!'. Yes, that's a positive note, also recognized as me saying "I Love Life Cereal". This morning, while on vacation, I was enjoying a bowl of Life cereal. I hadn't had it in a while, due to my spree of buying welfare cereal (those big 'ol bags for such a low price… how can you go wrong?), and was reminded of just how good they were. Something that drew my attention was a little saying that they had on the back of the box (I gotta have something to read while I'm sitting there). "Enjoy every spoonful!" What if I don't, huh? What are you going to do to me if I don't? Wanna make something of it?

• What are you talking about Willis?
• What is it that you are saying, Willis?
• Pray tell me thy bidding, Willis.
• After a moment of reflection, I desire further enlightenment, Willis.
• I'm afraid that I've drawn a blank from your words, Willis.
• Willis, further information am I requiring to decipher your intentions.
• ¿Que en el mundo, Willis?
• Pardon me, but I have failed to grasp your meaning, Willis.
• Would you be so kind as to clarify, Willis?
• (As a bit of a side note on this one, I was inspired, due to the fact that my wife seems unable to say the phrase correctly. She generally will say "Whachu talking about, Willis?" Here's to you Maria.)

• The amount of whining by others about absolutely nothing would be considered "normal"
• Placement in the 99th percentile would finally support my observations that a certain butt-kissing, brown-nosing individual is big-headed
• We'd have support in saying that everything a certain leader says is just gibberish / baby-talk
• It'd be understandable that some people need to have their hand held through a process
• Napping at your desk would be expected of you at least twice a day
• Being overweight would be socially acceptable and expected
• Sexual harassment suits wouldn't get filed because of a little cheek pinching
• Attendance to AA meetings wouldn't be suggested to somebody for being on the bottle throughout the day

Some people are horrible at moving. I'm talking about moving in the "I'm changing homes" type of moving, not the "I've fallen and I can't get up" type of moving. They're total idiots about it. Sure, moving isn't the most common thing out there. But just remember, people who volunteer to help you move are there to help you move things into a moving vehicle, not to pack your life into some boxes, or clean your house in an effort to get past the filth and get to the things that actually need to be moved. To make things simple, you've got a group of people there that are willing to help move boxes for anywhere from 2-4 hours. Stretch it beyond that, and you're begging to be backhanded.

Before I begin, let me inform those of you who don't know - I'm overweight. I'm fat. I have what the doctors call a "little bit of a problem." I wear clothes that fit my size. I have outgrown some clothes, and therefore can't wear them anymore. Thanks to a recent trip to a local amusement park, this issue has been stirred up again in my mind. What I don't understand is when people who are overweight wear small clothes.

I'm not a very hairy guy. Despite having hairy arms and legs, it doesn't go much further. Hairy backs are an interesting thing. They don't seem to follow any real pattern in heredity. I'm not upset because people have hairy backs. They can't do anything about it (except wax it, use Nair, or go crazy with duct tape or the tweezers). That's not the point. The rest of us don't really care to look at what you've got back there. Let's talk about the details here.

Wendy's has caught enough undeserved grief lately with the whole finger-in-the-chili stuff. Yeah, the lady planted it in there, and she'll go to jail for a good chunk of time. Despite the bad press, I still choose to go to Wendy's. I personally really like their chocolate Frosty Dairy Dessert. I like them fresh. I like them after they've been in the freezer for a while. I like them when they've melted a little. I like to dip my fries in them. I like to eat them with a spoon. The thing that needs to change is the spoon that Wendy's provides.

In my bathroom at home I have a sink just like everybody else. What I have that most people DON'T have is a water fountain attachment. Despite my best efforts to find a link or a picture of something like it on the internet, I can't. Even though it was never one of those things that I felt like I needed before, I have to have it now. We call him Shamu, since he is like a little killer whale.