My New Lifetime Pass to Any Event

I see it already - sporting events, concerts, amusements parks, special invite-only events, airline flights, movies, dinner parties, staff-only break rooms - you name it, I'm welcome there. I'm debating about what is going to be the first place I'll redeem this award. I think I'll probably have it laminated. I see myself using it several times over my lifetime. I might want consider the recipient of it when I die.

Some of you might be a little skeptical of such an award. "Does such a thing even exist?" "Can they even give that sort of thing out?" "Who gave them permission to issue such an award?" I have yet to meet a person who doesn't listen to fortune cookies to some extent. Granted, my gathering pass may not be accepted whole-heartedly, but eventually they will have to recognize the power that such an item holds. Although it CAN get me into any gathering, I can think of several places where I will NOT use it.

Specific events where I plan NOT to use my new-found pass:

• Martha Stewart's "I finally got my tracking anklet taken off despite the fact that I should still be in jail" party.
• The next showing of "The Pukes of Hazard"
• Dining at the local burger place "Hires Big H"
• The next Star Wars convention
• A game of the WNBA