« Consider the Source | Home | Responding to the Unfamiliar »
July 8, 2006
No Regrets
For a long time I've heard about people saying that they live life "with no regrets" and I haven't really understood it. I thought that, at times, it's impossible not to regret things from the past. How does one know if a well thought-out decision will end up being something that is regretted later? What I've come to realize is that this isn't what is really part of that "no regrets" thing. I think it comes down to doing (or not doing) those things that you know you're going to regret later.
Many times, these are the moments that end up haunting you mentally for a while. They're the things that potentially put you on a shrink's couch at a later date. They could be big things, or pretty minor things. I can think of a handful of things that I would change, if I could – a chance blown, an opportunity wasted, a bridge burnt before I got to it.
Yesterday I had one of those opportunities show up. It was really simple, yet something that I knew was somehow very important to me. I don't remember if I was influenced by an email, or TV program, or a conversation, or just a thought – I knew that the next time I saw somebody from the armed forces, that I needed to thank them for what they were doing.
With the increased patriotism felt during the week, and other thoughts of gratitude for those who render a service that I don't (and probably couldn't), I knew I had to do it; so I did. I have no idea what the guy thought as I politely interupted his meal and thanked him with all the sincerity I could muster for serving. It was totally random for him, but really important to me. Almost in tears due to gratitude, as well as my pride in accomplishing that strangly important task, I walked away, probably never to see him again.
One less thing that I'll have to look back and say, "I wish I would have…" to myself. I have plenty of those thoughts that stalk my mind already – just as you probably do as well. What's the hold-up? Why add any more to your list? No regrets – now I understand.
With a day's worth of separation, I have another twist on "no regrets" and that is the avoidance of living in the past. I admire those that let their mistakes fade from memory, but I don't admire those who choose not to learn from those mistakes. Although I would like to forget some of my mistakes, I'm afraid that if I forgot them I would forget the lesson(s) I learned at the same time.
I understand there is a fine line between dwelling on a mistake, and choosing to remember a mistake. Some of those who dwell on their mistakes seem blind to new opportunities. If they knew about the missed opportunity, they would probably beat themselves up about that as well, and end up in a downward spiral of sorrow. Learn from your mistakes; let the past be behind you; live according to what you've learned. No regrets.
I've had two chances this week to practice this "no regrets" thing. I couldn't be more pleased with my actions. One with a friend who semi-recently lost a family member, and another with a friend who just got back from boot camp. Again, things that I felt I needed to do for whatever reasons. ¡Que viva la dicha "no regrets"!