November 2006 Archives

I was loading groceries into the car the other day and a pair of butt cheeks caught my eye. While his mother was on her cell phone, this little kid had gotten out of the car, dropped trou, and proceeded to urinate on the rear-left tire of his own car. He finished quickly, pulled back up his pants, got back in the car… and his mom was still on her cell phone. I'm glad the kid did that and not me. More interested in her conversation than her son… she her car deserves to get peed on.

I'd like to welcome each of you to the time of year in which my mood is impacted by the performance of a certain sports team. I can't say how much my life is impacted by the San Antonio Spurs, but I know it is to some extent. I recently read (actually listened to) the book "Fever Pitch" and made quite an impression on me (thanks to my brother for the suggestion on the book).

No, I didn't watch the movie, I was told that it sucked compared to the book. I was also told that the movie somewhat ruined the book. In case you're super curious, I was told that the guy who reads the book is the same guy who (in the movie Notting Hill) goes with Hugh Grant up to Anna Scott's hotel room – but you're probably not that curious.

The book is about a soccer fan in England, and how his life in completely tied to soccer. It analyzes the motives, habits, and reasoning of a sports fanatic. Although I don't consider myself nearly as lost in sports as the author of the book, I could certainly relate to many of his stories. So, before the fifth game of the season takes place this evening, I again express my good tidings to you as the year finally begins. If I'm groggy, upset, or making obscure references, it's probably just about a game that took place – shame on you for not knowing.

• You can't say “Trick or Treat” - This goes mainly for infants and toddlers. *
• You can't move yourself from door to door - Again for the young 'uns. Not walking yet? Ixnay. Besides your parents are going to eat it all anyway, and they're probably overweight as it is. *
• You're old enough to wear deodorant (I was given my first stick in gym class in 7th grade) - I've heard a variety of time guidelines about this. I might be able to adjust this one to 8th grade as the last year.
• You didn't dress up - I can understand it being cold and you wearing a coat on the outside/inside of your costume. But if you're just in jeans and a shirt like every other day? Scat.
• You're on a cell phone while at a door - Don't have the time for me to give you some free candy? Funny, because neither do I.
• You're just going to complain about the weather - A small price to pay for pounds of free candy.

*Pardonable if you're handicapped in some fashion

Many thanks to all of the trick-or-treaters who came to my home this year (and for the past 3 years for that matter) - 0