December 2006 Archives

We've all seen those guys on TV parade around with big 'ol posters of somebody's face on them. There seem to be quite a few people that own those posters. I'm not entirely familiar with their cause, or the purpose of the parading, but I have to ask… where do they get those posters? Kinkos? The local religious zealot material distribution center? I've been to some of those centers, and I'll admit I didn't see any of those things. Do you have to special order them? Do they keep them in the back? Do I have to give some sort of code word to get to see them? Is there a catalog of them?

"Ohhh, I see you've got one of the Groundskeeper from Caddy Shack! Uh… could I get that in a sepia tone? Oh yeah, and toss in an order of fries and a Diet Coke while you're at it."

Is it considered shameful not to have one of them? Not only do I not own an oversized poster with the likeness of my preferred religious leader on it, I don't personally know anybody who does. Would my lack of ownership make me exempt from one of those rally things? How about from gaggles, or shindigs, or gatherings? How about from parades? Am I not allowed to act like I'm watching The Rose Parade this coming Monday, just because I don't own one? Maybe I can find some poster-board, and a magic marker and go for it. I hope nobody minds if my hand-drawn picture looks like something from Calvin and Hobbes. It's either that, or you can speed up the delivery of my poster, and toss in one of my favorite motivational speaker, Matt Foley.

I recently watched The Wizard of Oz. It's a much better movie than I remember it being. I could talk about several different parts of it which were impressive to me. With all of this in mind though, there was one important detail which would have been useful to all of us back during the OJ Simpson trial - just because you kill two people, somehow you'll still be allowed back into society.

Today when placing my order in the drive-through/thru, I was asked if my order was to stay or to go. Not only do these people get paid the lowest legal amount possible, but their IQ may be on par with their pay.

Despite the fact that I publish things on the internet and allow pretty much anybody to read it, I'm still a fairly private person. This year is about to come to a close and I've experienced far more than I've talked about on this blog.

I've never been to Chuck E. Cheese's. One time I was going to go to a birthday party there for my friend, David Rose. It was going to be really cool and I was pretty excited for it. The morning of the party I woke up and was sick, so I stayed home from school. I was feeling better as the day went on, especially knowing that the party was that evening. The heartbreaking moment came shortly before the party was supposed to start:

If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to go to the party.

Life is so unfair. Had I seen the movie at that point in my life I might have been thinking of the part in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where they're told to "Bring out your dead!" with the one guy who's "Not dead yet" but has been written off by the other man. I had been mistaken for dead by my parents and I could see them paying the man dressed as Mr. Cheese to hit me on the head to make sure I really felt the pain. Sure, David Rose's dog bit and I didn't really like going to his house for that reason… but the party was at Chuck E. Cheese's, not his house. Yeah, I was sick earlier in the day, with a fever and everything… but to deny a child from their dreams of going to a place with nasty, overpriced pizza, and rigged games that don't put out nearly enough tickets to get that flippin' sweet toy that costs 500 tickets? That's just mean. I guess if this is how I feel deprived a child I'm not doing too bad.