Blog entries tagged "home"
I think I was 10 years old before I realized that the “game” called “52 Card Pick-up” wasn't trying to make any reference to small trucks. It was obvious that the game itself had nothing to do with them. Somebody would spray a deck of cards all over the floor, and the point of the game… was to pick them up. Any time the game came up I had these thoughts:
- This is a retarded game. Why am I playing it?
- Why on earth do they call it a “pickup” when there is clearly no pickup involved?
- Why am I playing this” again?
Yeah, turbo… it's because you're a sucker enough to pick up somebody else's mess, not because you get to drive around a little wannabe truck. Thanks for playing & come again!
For some reason I was thinking of a movie I saw when I was a kid about a family that either lost their grandmother or somebody like that, and they got a new one. The catch to the “new” grandmother was that she was a robot (The Electric Grandmother). The coolest thing about this robot though, and something I tried to do for years following that, was that she could dispense liquid from her finger. She'd just point at the glass, and it'd start flowing right into the glass. You want some orange juice? *BAM* There you go. Milk? *BAM* Diet Coke? *BAM* Water? *BAM* Magic. Truly magic.
How exactly did I try to do the same feat? Well… when I'd get water on my hands (while washing my hands or when I was in the shower, or even when out washing the car), and it'd start to run off the end of one of my fingers in a stream… I thought I was the coolest kid ever… since obviously I could dispense liquids from my finger… as long as the liquid was water, and you didn't mind that it had a little soap in it. Yeah… I had magical powers like that.
I'm in total shock to find out that Maria has never read a Choose Your Own Adventure book. I loved those things as a kid, except I totally sucked at them. You say to yourself, “How can you be bad at reading a book where you impact the flow of the story?” Well… it's not that I couldn't make a decision, or that I couldn't read (the latter does not work as an excuse of why you didn't do your homework in the 5th grade, btw). It's that I cheated. I would get to the decision point, and it would tell me to turn to X page if I chose one way, or Y page if I chose the other. Not only would I turn to both of those pages to see how it would go, but I'd follow the page numbers after those, and even after those, until all my fingers were holding various pages. All of this was in my attempts to avoid the inevitably lame ending of “Your head a splode” or something like that. The point here isn't to focus on how bad I was at the books, and spoiling the intended excitement and reader engagement, it's to focus on how deprived Maria is for having never read one. If you, for some reason, still have one of these things around your house, and would be kind enough to alleviate the shame which Maria should be feeling over this hole in her childhood, please send it to
me her. kthxbye
Pop Quiz (Hot Shot), which of the following colors was not on the middle toe of my right foot after I carelessly spent too much time barefoot outside helping to clear up a clogged rain drainage system and misplaced my foot and consequently jammed the bejebus out of said toe:
The correct answer is: none of the above (they were all on there). Yes, it hurt. A little ibuprofen and a couple days and it seemed to be almost fresh as new. Just be glad I didn't upload the actual picture of my foot for you to stare at. Imagining the colors is ugly enough. ;)
We recently sent out our Christmas card for this year, and I wanted to talk about the making of it. Most, if not all, of the Christmas cards should have arrived at their destinations. If you didn't get one… don't feel too bad, since I'm about to tell you all about it, and you can print one for yourself if you'd like. That saves me the cost of printing/mailing, and also the need to come up with something to say (if anything) on the back of your card. Consider this the easy way of doing Christmas cards. Read more...