Longbored Surfer

2006.10.04 The Circus

Recently I went to the circus. Sure, Cecilia had a great time, but that's not the point here. I wish to address the origin of the acts. Similar to my previous discussion about Snakes on a Plane, I can only imagine that some of the circus acts were created in the same way.

Here goes...

"Okay… so… you're pretty good with uh… animals, right?"

"I guess… I mean, I like to have my dog fetch stuff for me…"

"Go on…"

"That's it really…"

"Oh… okay. But dude, we gotta make some sweet moola here, and I know it's going to be through those animals of yours…"




"I'VE GOT IT! We'll get some lady, who's past her prime, but dilusional in her own youthfulness/age to work with my animals. We'll make some cats and dogs run around and do some tricks, and train some pigeons (which are the coolest birds according to my father) to fly towards shiny stuff! This is gonna ROCK!"

"Phat… I like where this is headed…"

Conversations had to happen something like this. I can understand that people want to entertain others, but some of these ideas are just out there. I totally support people trying to follow their dreams but some of these people must have had nightmares instead.

  • "Hey guys, lets see if we can make a human pyramid, and juggle hats on our heads at the same time!"
  • "So uh… you know how we've been riding our motorcycles a lot lately? Well, I was thinking… what if we made a big metal sphere and drove around on the inside of it. We could put like 4 of us in there all at the same time driving around in circles… then we could add another guy… or even get up to 7 of us in there… that'd be nuts!
  • Hey Billy… remember how I fell off my horse the other day, but held on and then jumped back up on it? What if we did that on purpose for people to watch? Do you think people would think that was cool? Wait… they'd probably think it were cool if we lifted weights and grew out our hair and did a Fabio look-alike thing as well. Yeah… that'd be cool. We're gonna be rich."
  • "Since we're all body builders and we're all really drunk, do you think any of us is strong enough to have a car drive over us and live? I think it's worth trying…"
  • "I'm sick of seeing those dumb guys do tricks with their dogs and cats… we need something bigger and badder to do the same tricks. Wait a second! How about if we did those tricks with elephants instead?"
  • "As your gym teacher… I feel obligated to let you know that you enjoy climbing the rope a little too much. You're just supposed to touch the bell, but you're up there spinning and whatnot… you need a new hobbie."

The flunky who isn't good enough to do any of this, or aerobatics, or "tame" the tigers, or be a clown, or another one of the dozens of faceless stage hands gets to do something else.

They're the chumps outside the stadium/arena selling programs "with a free blinking clown nose" which you can only get outside, not inside. The guy I'm thinking of wasn't doing the whole "Step right up!" routine, but doing his hand in the Bill Clinton style fist (with the thumb on top, slightly sticking out, like you're pinching some money and offering it to your intern for services rendered) while moving his arm in circles like he's stirring a big 'ol pot of Witches' Brew.

Did I enjoy the circus? Sure. My favorite thing? The dudes on the motorcycles in the sphere - that's just nuts.

Tag(s): soap_box

Blog Home