Longbored Surfer

2005.04.28 High Five

We've all seen it, experienced it, or perhaps performed it - a bad high five. There is something about this form of communication that is special. It's not special like the riders of the short bus, nor special like a first kiss, but special like unique. Sure, there is an episode of Seinfeld (#167) in which Jerry describes high fives as the most primate form of male communication. I tend to agree with that as well, but every now and then, a high five is an acceptable form of communication.

The other day I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a very pleasant individual who openly admitted that she has never been good at giving a high five. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but that's not the point. I was glad she was able to recognize her lack of ability to do such a thing.

A decent high five is a simple concept. Two hands join together (usually with vertically extended fingers and opposing palms) in an agreed sudden impact that creates noise and demonstrates some form of pride, joy, happiness, excitement, or some other adjective.

With these things in mind, there are a whole slew of people who are horrible at any part of the high five routine. They know who they are, but usually they don't have the b@lls to admit it. Let's take a few examples to illustrate the mistakes after the high five action has been initiated:

  • The other person misses the originator's hand and hits them in the face.
  • The other person's timing is all wrong and instead of hitting full hand-on-hand, they hit finger-tips on bottom of palm.
  • The other person's timing is all wrong. Generally, both hands kind of do a little thrust there right near impact, and that final thrust is what really makes the noise possible. Well, this person messes that all up by either missing the cue, or jumping the gun.
  • The other person is unaware that the high five was started, then wonders why the other person has their hand in the air. Usually this is followed by the originator pointing out the purpose of the hand, at which point any of the first three bullets happen.

Let's all strive towards honesty. Since I can think of two people off hand who are bad at high fives, I'm going to compile a list. Please let me know if you're bad at high-fives so that I can add you to this list to avoid future potentially embarrassing situations for you.

People who are bad at High Fives

  • Rosemary
  • Maria

Tag(s): soap_box

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