2005.05.03 Fanny Packs
I carry a wallet, set of keys, cell phone, and usually a thing of Chap Stick®. If I'm at work I carry my PDA with me. If I'm going to a meeting at work where I have to act like I'm taking notes about a work-related topic, then I take a notebook thing and pen too. I think that it's fair to say that I carry a normal amount of stuff. I rarely feel the need to have more with me than I do. Every now and then I wish I had something, but I don't see anything in my life that would merit a permanent position with me like the previously mentioned items.
Women carry purses, and I'm perfectly alright with this. I can understand the need, and I support that. Purses are just fine, if you're a woman. Go for it.
Let me spend a little bit of time on something called a Fanny Pack. Usually they're some sort of small pouch-type thing that is around the waste. On the small end, they're like money belts. The most common variation is about half the size of a football. I have seen some that seem to be the size of full backpacks. People wear these things and keep stuff in them for easy and immediate access.
I can understand several situations in which a fanny pack might be necessary. If you're a contestant on The Amazing Race and need to keep your money, passport, clues, whatever right there so you can access them - that's fine by me. If you're a busy parent and need various things handy to distribute, apply, or defuse - fanny pack liftoff in 10, 9, 8…
What I can't understand is wearing a fanny pack at work. I'm perplexed by a guy at work who feels obligated to wear a fanny pack. It's one of those common half-football things. He wears it either in the front, or the back. It seems to go along with his personality, which from what I can tell, is of the nerdy persuasion. To be fair, he may just be doing it to get a reaction. If so, Mr. Fanny Pack Wearer Dude, please consider this your reaction.
Having no knowledge of what he keeps in there, allow me to make some conjectures as to what I personally would keep in my fanny pack if I were so de/inclined to wear one:
- Pepper Spray - always good to carry a weapon in case those jocks decide to get medieval on my fanny pack totin' @ss
- Pack of Bicycle playing cards - never know when I want to bust out a game of poker (poker? I hardly even know her!)
- Teleporter device thingie - for when Scottie decides he's ready to beam me up
- Calculator - smart though I may be, I can only remember pi to 6 places
- Gameboy - a little Tetris break every now and then always brightens my day
- Photo of Bill Gates - why not idolize the richest geek out there?
With these devices, I believe that I would be set to do whatever might come upon me. I'd be ready to approach any of the possible perils of this world, and beyond. Fellow fanny packers unite and join together in a triumphant song of your Lambda Lambda Lambda chums.