We have a recognition program in my department. You can give your peer a little award (which is about the size of a 3x5 card) and with that a little gem to represent which particular trait they were demonstrating. We keep all of these little gems (colored glass) in a bin over on somebody's desk. There are lots of them, and they aren't monitored or policed. Take as many as you want.

If I'm near somebody's desk and I find myself in the need of something (pen, post-it note, whatever), I'll borrow it while standing there, and put it right back. It's no big deal, since I figure that I don't mind if people do the same thing.

With these things being said, why would you steal office supplies from somebody else's desk? Recently I had a little pile of those gems on my desk, which I had been given for various reasons. One day when I came in, I noticed they were gone. Somebody stole them. Yesterday my scissors were lifted from my desk.

Why take the little colored glass from ME when there is a whole bucket of them all of 20 feet from me? Why take MY scissors? Don't you know that you can order 5 pairs of scissors if you want? Order a staple remover while you're at it so that you can get the staples out of your arm after I go stapler-crazy on you.

Have you ever noticed how staple removers have a tendency to look like saber-toothed tigers? I thought they were extinct for the longest time, but I see them each day around the office. I bet their long 'ol teeth would be sweet for doing things like… opening the guacamole that has the plastic seal that never comes off if you pull the tab.

Don't steal my stuff - that's all I'm saying. You want my scissors? All you gotta do is ask, and I'll give 'em to you. I can order another pair for myself, so it's no biggie to me. I'll probably get nicer scissors after I give mine to you. And the "gems"? Seriously, you're stupid. Hate to break it to you, but they're not worth anything. Idiot.

If you're really stuck on stealing the dumb things from my desk, let me tell you what you should steal next time you stop by the convenience store referred to as my desk:

• My staple remover - saber-toothed tiger is scaring me
• Stapler - can't remove them, why be able to use them
• Santa Claus Eraser - I never use it, it sucks
• Empty soda cans - I claim I'm going to recycle them, but haven't in 1+ year

I'm glad that there is somebody out there that is going to steal the things which are most easily replaceable. You're one step up on the garbage dump divers.