The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @longbored ever

January 2012

Went to Vegas last week and spilled Diet Coke on myself twice in one day. Something says that’s not the @rands way of doing Vegas.

via Twitter for Mac

At an event which has its own hash tag. Can’t bring myself to use it.

via Tweetbot for iOS

@dodgerscribe The Spazmatics. They were too entertaining (and the crowd was too small) for me to “stop believing” and walk out. Next time…

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to dodgerscribe

@dodgerscribe Just heard your favorite song performed by a live band. Proud of myself for not walking out.

via Tweetbot for iOS

@waxpancake Unlike a SSN, however, nobody actually memorizes it. How else do you think they keep all of our donations organized? ;)

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to waxpancake

@chockenberry @nickheer PORK AND POULTRY ENHANCEMENT TECHNOLOGY IS PART OF YOUR OPTIONAL EGGSCOPE CHOCKLOCK BREAKFAST DUH

via Twitter for Mac in reply to chockenberry

@danbenjamin “There is a tremendous build-up of GOOK all over [these windows]!”

via Twitter for Mac in reply to danbenjamin

@hotdogsladies I gotta give it to tortilla chips for still showing a strong presence with 5%. Stayin’ strong. And crispy.

via Twitter for Mac in reply to hotdogsladies

@gruber They could have hit $50b if the iPhone 4S wasn’t such a big disappointment by not force-quitting all its apps. (cc @alexeckermann)

via Twitter for Mac

If you do any development for the web, you’re cheating yourself if you don’t own xScope. l.lbs.im/x

via Twitter for Mac

johnroderick Hey everyone who ever justified file-sharing by saying “I’ll totally buy some stuff later”. Make good on your promise! TODAY!

via Birdhouse (retweeted on 11:18 PM, Jan 21st, 2012 via Tweetbot for iOS)

I’m pretty sure Inception is just the flashy thingie from Men in Black.

via Tweetbot for iOS

@danielpunkass Congratulations! It’s always an amazing experience. Good luck with Henry’s trying-to-figure-out-this-new-change-to-the-family

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to danielpunkass

I’m done with these jokes. I promise. (I reserve the right to go back on this promise later today when I think I’m funny again.)

via Twitter for Mac

badbanana Just read a bunch of your SOPA jokes and now I’m in favor of Internet censorship.

via Twitter for iPad (retweeted on 11:06 AM, Jan 18th, 2012 via Twitter for Mac)

Rainbows are a product of unicorn tears, solar flares, and a troupe of traveling midgets.

via Twitter for Mac

U2’s fifth studio album was originally called “That funky looking plant we’ve seen in the desert”.

via Twitter for Mac

“The Three Musketeers” by Alexandre Dumas is about a group of friends with an addiction to mediocre candy bars.

via Twitter for Mac

@willie Perfect candidate, just don’t skip the fry sauce. ;)

via Twitter for Mac in reply to willie

@willie I’m not sure if I should retweet that response or not.

via Twitter for Mac in reply to willie

@willie For sure. I nearly un-followed someone because of all their retweets, but once I “Turn[ed] off Retweets” for them, they’re fine

via Twitter for Mac in reply to willie

@willie You can just block somebody’s retweets on Twitter, and it _should_ filter down to the client… Not good enough for you?

via Twitter for Mac in reply to willie

cliftonlabrum The first LASIK pitch meeting:

“We can shoot lasers into people’s eyes to make them see better.”

“Don’t waste my time. Next!”

via Tweetbot for iOS (retweeted on 7:17 AM, Jan 18th, 2012 via Twitter for Mac)

@hotdogsladies “It’s ALL ball bearings these days!”

via Twitter for Mac in reply to hotdogsladies

@gruber I got pulled over today and the officer explained that I violated penal code id-10.t - an omission of force-closing all my apps.

via Twitter for Mac

@chockenberry THE TEASER VIDEOS NEED MORE FLESHY PALM TO GO WITH THAT S3 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

via Twitter for Mac in reply to chockenberry

@cabel iClown - Junior High, all over again.

via Twitter for Mac in reply to cabel

The MPAA can be such tools.

via Twitter for Mac

Theory: the same set of people come up with all the names for gum flavors, fireworks and deodorant scents.

via Twitter for Mac

I pulled a tooth today. Disappointed in myself that I didn’t do it with a rocket.

via Tweetbot for iOS

@mrgan Extra vowels are for weeirdos.

via Twitter for Mac in reply to mrgan

@mrgan Which Zojirushi do you have? Is it worth the price?

via Twitter for Mac in reply to mrgan

@garrettmurray THAT JUST GIVES YOU A CHANCE TO GET IT ON IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WHICH IS THE POWER WHAT WERE YOU THINKING

via Twitter for Mac in reply to garrettmurray

@danielpunkass I know. It’s not my first day (or election) following you on twitter.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to danielpunkass

@danielpunkass Not a single one, since they’ve all already lied before. It’s not like we Mormons are perfect. Maybe the Iowan ones are.

via Twitter for Mac in reply to danielpunkass

(Insert joke here about any of the personal care things I haven’t done ALL YEAR.)

via Tweetbot for iOS