The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @longbored ever

May 2014

Just used Spotlight to search for SimpleText on Mavericks.

Ladies.

via Tweetbot for Mac

For the first time, I was just asked for proof of payment while riding the train.

via Tweetbot for iOS

@Blazeorange “Boy, this milk has a real tang to it, and seems thicker than usual. Has it turned, or am I still waking up?”

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to Blazeorange

I have to say, I’m thrilled with TweetNest - pongsocket.com/tweetnest/. It helps bring out the @stevenf in all of us.

via web

Rarely am I disappointed by unfollowing somebody.

via Tweetbot for iOS

Mint Flavored Jelly Beans - The Inferior Cousin to Almost Everything™

via web

@stevealfandre Feels like rule 7 is a penalty. “I can’t help it that I jump while we’re being bombed!”

via web

We now return you to your regularly scheduled general silence and replies only.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051014 - All I came for was a plastic bin for sorting LEGO bricks. Lost an arm and three hours, but not my pride.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051013 - Twined! Deployed Pioneering Merit Badge knowledge. Car top imploded. Fire trucks heard in distance.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051012 - Threw wad of krona at cashier as I pushed over vats of lingonberry soda syrup. Knee-slid in syrup through exit.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051011 - Found palette of paper tape measures. Lit distraction fire. Raiding cinnamon role storage. Hope rising.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051010 - Built barricade of swiveling shopping carts past lighting area. “Coworkers” jamming holes with tiny pencils.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051009 - Escaped Instructoros. Running frantically towards exit disguised as worker. Doubling back to lay false arrows.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051008 - Left in a room filled with silent Swedish monks transcribing instructions. Arrows on floor. Bleeding has slowed

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051007 - In the employee-only area. Walls are lined with photos of customers still MIA. Allen wrenches everywhere.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051006 - Crawled through nearby shortcut. Hiding in what appears to be a college dorm, sans… oh no. They’ve found me…

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051005 - Woke up on a couch, but my internal altimeter says I’m back upstairs. Further from the exit. Darkness.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051004 - Used sundry items to remove left arm trapped by avalanche of food containers. Bleeding profusely. So sleepy.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051003 - Escaped kitchen-free. Smelled food. Descended ominous staircase. Attacked by roving flatware. Outlook bleak.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051002 - caught sight of what I thought were registers. Somehow ended up designing a kitchen.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

IKEA travel log 2014051001 - confused between product names and Tolkien characters. Somewhere in maze. No smell of cheese. Onward.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to longbored

Pray for me. I’m going to Ikea on a Saturday.

via Tweetbot for iOS

@cliftonlabrum I changed my outfit a few months ago, but this is my first photo avatar of myself on Twitter. Feels weird.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to cliftonlabrum

@cliftonlabrum I feel obligated to inform you that @nicjohnson joined Twitter a whole month before you. Rookie.

via Tweetbot for iOS in reply to cliftonlabrum

@PatrickRothfuss Nick Podehl has done a _great_ job with your other two books. No offense, but I’d prefer him.

via web in reply to PatrickRothfuss

@paulmayne @movesapp Still works for me. Maybe it just hates Jiffy Lube?

via web in reply to paulmayne

@PatrickRothfuss Liege lord, tell me how I may serve…

via web in reply to PatrickRothfuss

OH: “He’s always been able to shove things deeply into his nose.”

via web