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IKEA travel log 2014051014 - All I came for was a plastic bin for sorting LEGO bricks. Lost an arm and three hours, but not my pride.
IKEA travel log 2014051013 - Twined! Deployed Pioneering Merit Badge knowledge. Car top imploded. Fire trucks heard in distance.
IKEA travel log 2014051012 - Threw wad of krona at cashier as I pushed over vats of lingonberry soda syrup. Knee-slid in syrup through exit.
IKEA travel log 2014051011 - Found palette of paper tape measures. Lit distraction fire. Raiding cinnamon role storage. Hope rising.
IKEA travel log 2014051010 - Built barricade of swiveling shopping carts past lighting area. “Coworkers” jamming holes with tiny pencils.
IKEA travel log 2014051009 - Escaped Instructoros. Running frantically towards exit disguised as worker. Doubling back to lay false arrows.
IKEA travel log 2014051008 - Left in a room filled with silent Swedish monks transcribing instructions. Arrows on floor. Bleeding has slowed
IKEA travel log 2014051007 - In the employee-only area. Walls are lined with photos of customers still MIA. Allen wrenches everywhere.
IKEA travel log 2014051006 - Crawled through nearby shortcut. Hiding in what appears to be a college dorm, sans… oh no. They’ve found me…
IKEA travel log 2014051005 - Woke up on a couch, but my internal altimeter says I’m back upstairs. Further from the exit. Darkness.
IKEA travel log 2014051004 - Used sundry items to remove left arm trapped by avalanche of food containers. Bleeding profusely. So sleepy.
IKEA travel log 2014051003 - Escaped kitchen-free. Smelled food. Descended ominous staircase. Attacked by roving flatware. Outlook bleak.
IKEA travel log 2014051002 - caught sight of what I thought were registers. Somehow ended up designing a kitchen.
IKEA travel log 2014051001 - confused between product names and Tolkien characters. Somewhere in maze. No smell of cheese. Onward.
Pray for me. I’m going to Ikea on a Saturday.